i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
