Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
