I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
love makes seman taste better
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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