he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
