take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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