Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We're too hungover to prance.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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