you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I am available for nakedness
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
