when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
