Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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