Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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