He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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