It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
