so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
