do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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