he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize