my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Do you remember whose house we're in?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize