Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
