Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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