Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize