you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
