she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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