It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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