Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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