stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
