i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
