i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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