Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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