Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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