i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
