So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
