THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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