He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
