oh god the rape fog is back!
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i drank out of a bidet.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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