hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
