I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
