shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize