I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
