Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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