i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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