Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
