Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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