Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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