You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
