he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
then he tried to convert me to islam
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
