Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Randomize
