If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We're using joints as your birthday candles
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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