you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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