I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Im part way to drunk.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
