Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
