After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
