I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
