what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
