a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
