Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He did a backflip because drugs
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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