The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
