I will die if light touches me.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
