There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
