she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
