Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I need to align my fucking chakras
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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