Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
