How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
