She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
