I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
