The brown eye won't let me do that either.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
