did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
