i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize