We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
