Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize