i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
