I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
