Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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