i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
