You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think people are normalizing furries
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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