apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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