just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
